On Necessary Warning Labels

       About a week ago, I wrote about unnecessary warning labels.  I also made mention that there were several warning labels which should stick around, such as informing an allergic carpenter that the drywall (s)he is installing may contain wheat products.
       Pity the poor homeowner who may be allergic to wheat that buys the house at a later date and suddenly has allergic reactions during every home improvement project without knowing why.
       Today’s post is not about products that can be (readily) found in the aisles at your local Lowe’s.  It has to do with a far, far more sinister plague, one of which I have had the unfortunate experience of getting all-too personal with recently.  This is a prime example of the sort of important messages which are missing from everyday products, which would be far more useful than restating the painfully obvious in small letters.
       My box of fish sticks is missing a warning label.
       Oh, don’t get me wrong.  It’s still plastered with the notice “Warning: Contains Seafood,” for which I am grateful.  It’d worry me if it said “may contain seafood,” similar to a package of peanuts I once bought.  That informational message is clearly visible above the ingredients list where the first item is minced fish.  
       The statement which is missing needs to say something along the lines of “Warning:  Exceeding the Recommended Serving Size May Result In Your Colon Rehearsing the 1812 Overture.”
       Worse, it wasn’t even on key.  Apparently, exceeding the recommended serving size of cocktail sauce may make your post-intestinal happy dances tone deaf.
       Now, I’m sure there are those amongst you whose first instinct will be to say, “But, good sir, you possess a reputation for indulging well past the suggested portion on a fair number of products,” which is true.  In a reasonable scenario, I would agree with the fact that my dining habits would quite possibly be to blame for curious trumpet-like noises in the middle of the night.  In this case, however, the recommended portion (for consumers on a 2,000-calorie-a-day diet) was three fish sticks.
       My pinky finger is bigger than these sticks.  Which leads me to another bone of contention:  shouldn’t these be renamed “fish twigs?”