It may come as a shock to you, dear reader, to learn that I am not a rabid fan of nearly any sport.
It's not that I don't get the concepts of these games, or neglect the skill of the athletes involved. No, anybody who can dictate where a 1" diameter white ball will land from 350 yards away, or carry an oval ball across a hundred yard field with eleven angry and armored people eagerly trying to turn them into a flesh pancake is infinitely more skilled and talented than I.
(For anyone who doesn't think golf is a skilled sport, I'd like to see you execute that same level of precision. Go ahead, I'll wait. Or, rather, I won't, just leave me a comment letting me know how well you did.)
It isn't even the fans that can quickly turn game day into a riot that leaves 96 people dead that gets me. (See Hillsborough, UK for that reference.)
It's just that watching most sports is so boring.
I know, I know, I just offended a fair number of readers with that comment. Just take it with a grin and rest assured you won't have to wrestle with me for a good seat at Buffalo Wild Wings on game day. Fight Night is another matter.
Although recently, I saw an ad on YouTube for a sport I decided I could get into. Two four-man teams vying on what looks like a grassy hockey rink trying to fling a ball into what looks like soccer goals at either end of the field.
Oh, did I forget to mention the ball was three feet wide and every player is equipped with a tazer?
See, now THAT would be interesting. I'd imagine the rules and gameplay strategy would look something like this:
Offense: Get the ball into the goal and taze anyone in your way!
Defense: Taze them! Taze them all!
Something tells me that throwing a three-foot wide ball into a goal the size of a small barn would become immensely difficult with four opponents who would be all-too-happy to send 100,000 volts repeatedly through your juicy parts.
Don't get me wrong. I have absolutely zero desire to actually play this Ultimate Tazer Ball (unless it comes out on Xbox 360). But considering the rampant stock of arguably sane athletes already in existence (see: UFC, rugby), I don't think it'd be very difficult to set up a few franchise teams and have it telecast on ESPN 71 for our own giggling entertainment. We might have to petition the Sports Powers That Be to make this a reality.
I just hope nobody names their team something horrible, such as "Lightning."
It's not that I don't get the concepts of these games, or neglect the skill of the athletes involved. No, anybody who can dictate where a 1" diameter white ball will land from 350 yards away, or carry an oval ball across a hundred yard field with eleven angry and armored people eagerly trying to turn them into a flesh pancake is infinitely more skilled and talented than I.
(For anyone who doesn't think golf is a skilled sport, I'd like to see you execute that same level of precision. Go ahead, I'll wait. Or, rather, I won't, just leave me a comment letting me know how well you did.)
It isn't even the fans that can quickly turn game day into a riot that leaves 96 people dead that gets me. (See Hillsborough, UK for that reference.)
It's just that watching most sports is so boring.
I know, I know, I just offended a fair number of readers with that comment. Just take it with a grin and rest assured you won't have to wrestle with me for a good seat at Buffalo Wild Wings on game day. Fight Night is another matter.
Although recently, I saw an ad on YouTube for a sport I decided I could get into. Two four-man teams vying on what looks like a grassy hockey rink trying to fling a ball into what looks like soccer goals at either end of the field.
Oh, did I forget to mention the ball was three feet wide and every player is equipped with a tazer?
See, now THAT would be interesting. I'd imagine the rules and gameplay strategy would look something like this:
Offense: Get the ball into the goal and taze anyone in your way!
Defense: Taze them! Taze them all!
Something tells me that throwing a three-foot wide ball into a goal the size of a small barn would become immensely difficult with four opponents who would be all-too-happy to send 100,000 volts repeatedly through your juicy parts.
Don't get me wrong. I have absolutely zero desire to actually play this Ultimate Tazer Ball (unless it comes out on Xbox 360). But considering the rampant stock of arguably sane athletes already in existence (see: UFC, rugby), I don't think it'd be very difficult to set up a few franchise teams and have it telecast on ESPN 71 for our own giggling entertainment. We might have to petition the Sports Powers That Be to make this a reality.
I just hope nobody names their team something horrible, such as "Lightning."
No comments:
Post a Comment